Law Proposed to Regulate Tongue-Splitting

(Charleston, West Virginia) According to this story, the practice of tongue-splitting may soon become a procedure regulated by law in West Virginia. If the legislation proposed by House Majority Leader Rick Staton is approved, tongue-splitting in the state will be a crime unless it's performed by a physician.

My take is that this action is a good idea, but it doesn't go far enough. The very thought of impressionable young people intentionally mutilating themselves in this manner is disgusting. As a minimum, society should enact laws to protect the young and ignorant from splitting their tongues. I'd suggest a minimum age of 21 with violations of the law specifying harsh penalties.

There exist all kinds of things that can negatively affect an individual's employability, but I can't think of many that would be more damaging to a successful career than a forked tongue. Nonetheless, make a note. Sometime in the near future the ACLU will file suit on behalf of some idiot that couldn't get hired or advanced because of the grotesque appearance he/she projects.

I'll go out on a limb and predict a few other things. Expect medical researchers to develop and perfect an expensive procedure for forked tongue repair. When available, lawsuits can be expected to force health insurance programs to cover the cost of forked tongue repairs. In the interim, there's a good chance that a national group will be formed to provide psychological support for the depressed victims of forked tongue. The national group will seek taxpayer funding for their organization, citing public health concerns.

Hat tip: In High Cotton