University Pornfest Canceled

(Bellingham, Washington) The public criticism was just too great. After 12 years, the seminars, films, forums, workshops, condom hunts, and self-gratification information booths of the annual Western Washington University Pornfest will now be things of the past. According to Hanako Lombardi, the Director of the Sexual Awareness Center at the university, the cancellation of the pornfest will cause the students to be deprived of the opportunity to learn more about sexuality.

Miss Lombardi, however, is being somewhat disingenuous since coincident with the cancellation of the pornfest was the Women Studies Program Student Colloquium which offered students ample opportunity to learn more about sexuality. Started in 1992, the colloquium gives students the chance to present papers on the results of their Women Studies research projects. These included presentations on radical feminist views on sex and the virtues of communism.

Western junior Sara Buettner-Connelly gave a speech addressing the purity of sex without emotional attachments, the one-night stand. She also advocated free love and having an open mind to homosexuality, masturbation and bestiality. Regarding bestiality, Buettner-Connelly said,

"Looking at bestiality, if the dog's consensual, why not?"

It sure seems the attendees were not deprived of learning more about sexuality as stated by Miss Lombardi. In fact, I'll frankly admit that I learned something. I was totally unaware that there are women in society who promote having sex without emotional attachments while, at the same time, being open-minded to consensual sex with dogs. If nothing else, this has got to be good news for the stray animal population.

Notably, Miss Buettner-Connelly also stated that many people don't understand what feminism represents.

"I think people need to know what feminism is really about. A general definition of feminism is that men and women have inherently the same worth," Buettner-Connelly said.

Sounds good, but I don't understand what "homosexuality, masturbation and bestiality" have to do with men and women having "inherently the same worth."

Another presentation of note was given by Western sophomore Joshua Evans on the goodness of communism. He showed video of happy children in Cuba, where he visited last summer. Consistent with promoting socialism and communism, he criticized capitalism and the United States. Lenin, Stalin, and Marx would be proud. Castro and Kim Jong-il are proud.

In summary, the annual pornfest has been canceled, but the amount of learning opportunities at Western Washington University continues to flourish. It seems there are enough deviants populating the campus to keep any student's notebook chock full of new stuff.