Christmas Morn Porn

(Kenmore, Ohio) It appears that a local public access television station has redefined the maids a' milking theme.

"I turn it to Channel 15 and there's this naked lady on the screen -- I mean full-frontal, get-the-hell-out-of-here pornography," said David Umana. "When I tell about Christmas 2004, I'm betting this will be one of my best stories."

Umana's 15- and 17-year-old sons had left the room about 8:30 a.m. Saturday, but he and his wife, Karen, saw the porn and called Time Warner Cable to complain.

Chris Thomas, the cable company's director of government affairs, believes the wrong tape was put in a machine set to play that morning. A church program was scheduled, he said.

"I don't think the church group submitted that," Thomas said.

And, rumpa-bump-bum.