Lymphogranuloma Venereum

Consistent with its leading position in the category of most sexually transmitted disease warnings per capita, San Francisco has announced the presence of a rare and potentially serious form of chlamydia in the city's homosexual population. Rarely seen outside of poor, tropical nations, lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV), produces scarring of the genitals and colon and can cause lymph glands near the groin to swell and burst.

All individuals experiencing unexplained bursts or explosions in their trousers are advised to see a doctor immediately. (via Country Store)