The Left Coast

Whitney Houston crawls into rehab again and Leonardo "The Gullible" DiCaprio has become a stereotypical lefty expert on the environment. His current focus is the "global water crisis."

Also, vultures are licking their beaks for Michael Jackson's carcass. After the trial, they want him at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. It's not known what's going to happen to Celine Dion. Of course, everything depends on Jackson coming out of his trial in one free piece.

District Attorney Steve Cooley apparently has twisted knickers and sour grapes. He said the jurors in the Robert Blake case were "incredibly stupid." He didn't mention anything about the prosecution being inept.