Chocolate Stops Cancer

(Washington, D.C.) From a report in Science Daily comes the results of a lab study conducted by researchers at the Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center at Georgetown University. The findings indicate that a natural compound found in chocolate, pentameric procyanidin (pentamer), has cancer-fighting properties. According to Robert B. Dickson, Ph.D., Professor of Oncology, the research finding "does not mean that people who eat chocolate will either reduce their cancer risks or treat a current case." However, it does appear to indicate that chocolate contains natural anti-oxidants which protect cells from cancer.

Interestingly, the funding for the research was provided by MARS Incorporated, makers of M&M's, Snickers, TWIX, and Mars Bars. Isn't modern medical science absolutely wonderful? Society has already been given a reason to stay high on medical marijuana and now it appears there's a trend toward the munchies being controlled by medical M&M's. Legally, and with a clear conscience, a person can sit at home smoking dope and eating bon-bons. How great is that? A conspiracy theorist might believe that this is all a political scheme to create the perfect liberal voter.

Of course, I'm being facetious. Nonetheless, once the news of a link between chocolate and cancer deterrence disburses among the public, there's no telling how it will be interpreted. And, as soon as MARS or Hershey is able to legally announce a direct link between chocolate and a reduced incidence of cancer, it will probably be emblazoned on a candy wrapper. Consequently, we can expect the food-Nazis to be outraged. It's also probably safe to assume the obesity alarmists and the dentists will weigh in.