Freegans

As evolution theory presents it, mammalian primacy on Earth has its beginning with a prehistoric rodent that survived the events that annihilated the dinosaurs. From that beginning and after millions of years, man ultimately evolved. As such, the most distant theoretical ancestor of man, according to evolutionary scientists, is the rat.

It can now be assumed that mankind has reached the pinnacle and is beginning to devolve. Today, in 21st Century America, mankind is turning back toward becoming rats. Spearheading the effort is a segment of society that practices freeganism. Freegans believe in "ethical eating" and the name is derived from "free" and "vegan." Simply put, freegans eat garbage and are proud of it.

From TimesOnLine:

The freegan philosophy of "ethical eating" argues that capitalism and mass production exploit workers, animals and the environment.

[ed. note: This makes no sense. Picking through garbage in the U.S. means that the freegans are still eating the products of a capitalist society. If they were serious about anti-capitalist "ethical eating," freegans would move to North Korea or Cuba.]

Adam Weissman, a freegan activist and sometime security guard in New Jersey, says freeganism grew out of the radical 1960s "yippie" movement but also has affinities with the hobos of the Great Depression who travelled around the country by stealing rides on the railways.

[ ... ]

Freegans often go "dumpster diving" in packs, delving into skips at supermarkets and restaurants.

Just like rats. In fact, I'd bet that they have to scare away the resident, long-term, indigenous rats to get first dibs on the garbage. And, notice how the whole freegan philosophy is based on getting something for nothing while rationalizing their garbage picking and, in some cases, theft as a noble political statement. Several websites discuss freeganism and one, in particular, provides guidance on shoplifting, employee theft, and returning discarded items to stores for refunds.

So, after 65 million years of theoretical evolution from an ancient, rat-like mammal, a segment of society is now turning back the clock to imitate and displace modern rats. And, most astonishingly, the practitioners of freeganism herald their garbage diving and theft lifestyle as some sort of higher plane of existence. Delusional? I think so.

When I was a kid living on a farm, anything edible that was to be discarded was given to the hogs. We called it slop. If freegans had been around, we would have given them some. Have a ball, you dummies.

Hat tip: Ace, Country Store