Can't Rape? Steal Something!

(Cook County, Illinois) A 29-year-old African immigrant, Joseph Mbatchou, broke into an Arlington Heights home to sexually assault a woman but, shucks, there wasn't one there. So, he decided to steal an SUV. The owner returned home, noticed the theft and called police. Within minutes, Mbatchou was arrested a few blocks away by Arlington Heights Police.

Although reportedly homeless, Mbatchou now rests at the concrete confines of the Cook County Jail. His bond has been set at $100,000.

Think about it. African immigrant, homeless, probably jobless, and the theft was not premeditated, more of an accidental borrowing. Not only that but he took a gas-guzzling SUV, all of which deserve to be eradicated from the Earth. Just guessing but it's possible that even a brand-new, apprentice lefty barrister could get Mbatchou's case easily thrown out of court. Come on, hasn't the poor guy been victimized enough?

There is one sticking point, though. Mbatchou was out on bond from an indecency collar last week. He just can't get a break.