Michael Vick and Free Willy

Emailers question why I haven't been reporting on the Michael Vick dogfighting story and, frankly, I just haven't been charged up. That is until now. I'm a dog preferrer by genetics, seeing them as trainable animals and man's best friend. After all is said and done and you're in the joint for not paying taxes, your dog still loves you.

However, despite the newsworthiness of Vick's story (which I think should see but mere mention by the media), the public has been seeing Second Coming headlines. In depth, on-the-scene, personal interview stories of puppies, puppy mills, pit bulls, rottweilers, and other angles ad nauseum have plagued the airways. A shaking Senator Byrd awoke from a nap and expressed outrage from the well of the Senate (Barbaric! Barbaric!). And over and over, we see video clips of bloodied dogs fighting, jaws gripping jugulars.

Albeit ugly and savage, watching the ubiquitous news clips of dogs fighting has become uninteresting (unless one needs a personal outrage du jour). There is no mystery, no suspense, no dramatic plot twists and no humor.

So, the reason I haven't been following the Vick dogfighting story is that it's boring. My tastes lean toward Animal Planet to see the killer whales, like torpedoes, charge through the surf to chomp down on penguins. Orcas and penguin guts, what fun.

Also, I really get a kick out of seeing the killer whales (Free Willy's buddies, I guess), having eaten their fill of the penguin blue plate, clamp down on the lifeless carcass of a seal and flip it into the air. Boy, they can send the dead seals flying at least 20 - 30 yards. Then they go after it and flip it into the air again. It's almost like they're playing a game of water hockey or rugby or lacarcass (er -- lacrosse). Of course, those sad seals don't have any fun. Think about it. We spend good taxpayer dollars cleaning the oil spills off the seals, release them and they go right back to the same neighborhood. Naturally, though, every time I see one of the seals flying from the mouth of an orca, I'm thinking that's one seal that won't be cleaned again.

All that said, I have to give Ace a thank you for this thought regarding Michael Vick.

Alas... We won't have the bad publicity coup of seeing the Falcons play the Browns, whose mascot is a dog, this year.

Personally, I believe the publicity would sell tickets and, in that regard, it wouldn't be bad. It would also offer fans the opportunity to be stupid which, we all know, can be entertaining.

In the same vein, my fantasy scenario would be for Vick to quarterback the Atlanta Falcons against the Browns at Cleveland in the playoffs and be outrageously heckled by the Dawg Pound. Then a seething Vick removes his helmet, races to the Dawg Pound, jumps and grabs a fan and bites him.

Talk about a SportCenter lead.