Presbyterian College Lacrosse Players Suspended

(Clinton, South Carolina) Two Presbyterian College students, Rachel Beaumont and Trista Sturdivant, have been suspended from the school's lacrosse team for reporting a fictitious attack. Police investigated for a month to identify the culprit who, supposedly, jumped out of the woods and attacked Sturdivant.

Police ultimately determined that the girls had lied. It appears that the girls, like, were really, you know, stressed out by school and stuff so they came up with an idea that they thought would work, you know. You see, the plan was for Rachel to whack Trista in the head with a lacrosse stick, claim she was, like, attacked, and then she wouldn't have to do her schoolwork, ya' see.

So, Rachel played T-ball with Trista's noggin, causing a cut. Now, to be fair, my version of the incident could be wrong and the whole episode could have been started by a simple accident.

Nonetheless, the police were called, only to waste man-hours chasing a nonexistent attacker.

Sturdivant is charged with filing a false police report. Beaumont is charged with giving false information.

Both have been suspended from the lacrosse team and the college's honor council will decide if they can remain at the school.

Kids with minds full of mush, acting dumb. So, what else is new?

One final note. It's somewhat sad that these two girls, with the apparent reasoning abilities of 10-year-old children, are probably old enough to vote.

Tip: SuidaeEmpathy