A Modest Proposal: how to solve the CO2 crisis‏


With apologies to Jonathan Swift. Sent in by a reader

The use of oil, gas or coal wastes valuable resources, pollutes the atmosphere and tears up mother earth. Burning wood pollutes the earth and removes valuable trees needed to sequester CO2 and clean the atmosphere. Nuclear power generation with its safety, nuclear waste, and proliferation issues are unacceptable risks under any circumstances. Evil river-killing power generating dams kill fish and other wildlife and ruin our scenic rivers. Ethanol production causes food prices to rise, children to starve and rain forests to be cut down. Wind turbines kill birds, also many areas have zoning laws prohibiting such tall structures and powerful leftists like the Kennedy's not to mention your neighbors do not want them blocking their views. Solar panels would be great except they need horrible chemicals to make them work. A chemist friend once told me (in the 1980's) some of those chemicals could easily kill an entire city. So what is left? Animal power? PETA and other animal rights groups would not allow the use of animals for generating power. So here is my Modest Proposal.

Here in the USA a major problem has flared up with over active and/or obese children. Instead of using drugs to combat this problem I suggest installing treadmills and stationary exercise bikes in all schools and universities. These should be hooked up to power generators. The idea could be expanded to include office workers, bored housewives, internet web surfers, couch potatoes watching TV , Congress, people in nursing homes and even hospitals. Instead of protesters marching to protest they could go to designated protest sites and walk on treadmills.

This idea could be expanded. Instead of fighting wars armies could workout on treadmills and exercise bikes and the army that generated the most power would be declared the winner. This is also a solution to the high unemployment rates in some countries. Instead of government paid assistance the unemployed would be paid to generate electricity. It would also cut down on the population explosion because people, especially teens and unwed mothers on assistance, would be too tired at night to be interested in anything but sleep. With the billions of people in this world think of the tremendous amount of power that could be generated!

Now that I have solved the energy crisis without polluting where is my Nobel Prize.


Posted by John Ray.