Roadkill Drunk

(Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania) Last Thursday, a 55-year-old man, David Wolfe, was arrested on stretch of highway northeast of Pittsburgh for being completely drunk in public. Witnesses reported seeing Mr. Wolfe attempt to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a long-dead possum killed on the highway.


Unable to revive
Obviously, a smashed Wolfe couldn't revive a mashed possum.

Trooper Jamie Levier said Wolfe was “extremely intoxicated” and “did have his mouth in the area of the animal’s mouth, I guess.”

Another witness observed Wolfe kneeling near the dead animal and gesturing as though he was conducting a seance.

I'd suggest that "roadkill drunk" is comparable to "coyote ugly drunk" with more crows and maggots.