To Do or Not To Do

So the news comes on the television with a report about a U.S. Marine posting a video on the Internet which asks actress Mila Kunis to be his date at the Marine Corps Ball. The segment shows Mila Kunis saying she will do it.




Offhand, I made the remark that the Marine was being rewarded for his boldness since "Mila Kunis is quite doable." My wife glared at me -- [tick…tick…tick…] and spoke.

"Doable? She's doable? That's how you evaluate a woman? Whether you would DO her?"

Uh-ohs began bubbling in my thoughts, "Well, no, not exactly, dear. I was thinking more about men in general. You know, the common everyday guy."

"So you speak for all men? Men, apparently like yourself, who don't evaluate woman on intelligence or honesty or trustworthiness or a multitude of other traits, rather they see women as doable or non-doable?"

"No, no, no! Of course men look at other traits in women…."

"Ah hah! But the first trait is doability. Am I right?"

"Uh, not always, dear. But when men see a pretty girl, doability comes to mind."

"First! It comes to mind first! You proved it. You didn't say she was smart or professional or was nice to kids and pets, you said she was doable!" With that she stormed out of the room and I realized that I was in the midst of a big blowup based on nothing important. It was time to change tactics.

The missus returned and shoved a piece of paper at me. She was upset. "Here. Are these women doable?" It was a list of female acquaintances. I needed to act quickly and change the subject. No way was I going to classify the people she knows as doable or non-doable.

"Listen, dear. I think you misunderstood what I meant." She was listening intently. "When I said Mila Kunis was doable I was merely restating what she had said. Responding to the invitation to the Marine Corps Ball, Ms. Kunis said she would 'do it.' That's what I meant when I said she was doable."

My, oh, my! If her glare at me were incendiary, I would have burst into flames. She spit out, "Yeah, sure. You're a jerk!" She left.

Moral of the story: Don't mention other women in front of your wife.