Man Nails Himself to Cross

(Hartland, Maine) Here's a story about a man who must live in an alternate universe. According to Lt. Pierre Boucher of Somerset County,

. . . the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

Suicide by self-crucifixion. That would be first. Unfortunately, he proved it couldn't be done without help.