Honest, Judge, It Just Fell On Me

(Atlanta, Georgia) Twenty-four-year-old Ezekiel Dejesus-Rodriguez was casually enjoying his hobby of vandalizing a cemetery when a gravestone fell on top of him. He was pinned with a leg crushed and only ghosts heard his screams until hours later when the police were called.

Dejesus-Rodriguez attacked about ten gravestones at the Luxomni Church Cemetery in Lilburn before being trapped.

Logically, a clever consumer health and safety lawyer could defend Dejesus-Rodriguez, claiming he is the victim of improperly anchored thousand-pound stones which, incidentally, are not adequately marked as to which end is up.

An avaricious tort lawyer could then sue the cemetery and the decedent's family for compensatory and punitive damages. Following would be a liberal political group prompting legislation requiring all gravestones to be properly annotated with warnings to indicate the danger of pulling or pushing on them. This action, of course, would require the formation of a cemetery regulatory agency with enforcement powers.

Alternatively, he could be fined and sent to jail for a handsome stint, hopefully arriving unpopular.