George the Giant Lobster

(New York City) George, the giant lobster, a 20-pounder estimated to be at least 80 years old, was caught off the coast of Canada and purchased by City Crab and Seafood. Languishing in City Crab's lobster tank, George was like a mascot, never meant to be sold and eaten. Pictured is George's cousin, Typical.

Nevertheless, a City Crab patron dropped a dime and called People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), ostensibly to complain of George's detention and torturous humiliation. City Crab grabbed its ankles and succumbed to PETA pressure.

George will be released off the coast of Maine back into the Atlantic Ocean where he is sure to be the main course in a feast for other lobsters, cod, octopus, slimy hagfish and other creatures on the PETA-approved lobster consumers list.

According to PETA pronouncer Michael McGraw, "We're really eager to return him to freedom."

Although George was caught in Canadian waters, he's being released off the coast of Maine, presumably because Maine is the proposed location of the PETA Lobster Empathy Center. According to PETA President Ingrid Newkirk:

"Mainers have been dragging lobsters from their ocean homes for generations -- it's time for them to learn that these fascinating animals deserve more than being treated as mere commodities ...

Incarcerating lobsters in filthy tanks and sentencing them to death by boiling is every bit as unacceptable as abusing cats, dogs, or other animals."

The Lobster Empathy Center would simulate supermarket lobster tanks by having visitors rubber-band their fingers together and walk into a dirty tank while pressed against other visitors. It's not certain that tourists will line up with fists full of dollars to enjoy the empathy experience.

An idea that's likely not going anywhere is the Baby Harp Seal Empathy Center where visitors are clubbed until bloody and then dragged through the exhibits.