Evacuate Before Boarding

Passengers on the Japanese All Nippon Airways are being asked to hit the head before boarding to minimize their travel weight and thereby help save the planet. Sheesh!

The carrier is testing the policy on 42 flights, starting last Thursday, and hopes to achieve a five-tonne reduction in carbon emissions in the one-month experiment.

Here's how it works: The average human bladder holds up to a litre of fluid, which weighs roughly one kilogram. All Nippon's most popular aircraft, a Boeing 777, holds 247 people. So, in theory, if 247 passengers all go to the washroom before boarding, they could lighten the plane by up to 247 kilograms – the weight of three average men.

Estimating that a typical coil of human feces weighs 12 ounces, a packed Boeing 777 would be transporting approximately 185 pounds of passenger excrement, the weight of the average Nippon Airways executive, which could also be deposited prior to boarding. It's not clear whether the request for pre-boarding urination includes pre-boarding defecation or if a separate pinch-a-loaf-for-Gaia campaign will be launched.

The idea of ipecac-supplied pre-boarding passenger vomit stations has apparently received little support thus far even though it's conceivable that all travelers could each be carrying 10 to 12 ounces of matter in their stomachs. Emptying the stomach of each passenger prior to takeoff would add up to the weight of another adult individual.

In any event, one must wonder exactly what demographic-type adult passenger, from and to what locations, can be assumed to have a full bladder when boarding an airplane. I contend that most people, definitely those who are experienced travelers, will take care of business before getting on a plane. They don't have to be told.