Today's Health Emergency

In the interest of maintaining the American public in a constant state of alarm regarding health, the Food and Nutrition Board of the Institute of Medicine, in conjunction with the elite media, has called for drastic action to reduce salt consumption. This action is considered supportive of a dedicated agenda to limit future availability of processed and snack foods which generally have high sodium content.

While elevating the health emergency level to "Drastic" for salt, the Institute's report also revises the previously issued alarm for water consumption. No longer is it necessary to assure that 91 to 125 ounces of water are consumed daily to force flush the human body of waste products. This change comes from the realization that too much water intake may be life-threatening. Consequently, the health emergency level of "Urgent" for water has been revised downward to "Oops!"