Woman Sues Company for Spankings

(Fresno, California) A 53-year-old woman, Janet Orlando, is suing her former employer for office spankings. Orlando seeks more than $1 million in damages because she says she was embarrassed and permanently scarred by a 2003 incident.

Officials for Alarm One, the former employer, stated the "spankings were just part of an exercise to build better work relationships." Oh, I see.

"Come here, honey. Bend over and let me whack your fanny so we'll work better together."

It's a novel approach, for sure. Add to it the fact that the company also made employees wear diapers and eat baby food. All in all, the company probably doesn't have a prayer of winning in court.


[Update 04/29/06]

A jury found that Janet Orlando had suffered from sexual harassment and sexual battery during the fanny whacking, team-building exercise by her employer, Alarm One. She was awarded $1.7 million. Thus far, Alarm One officials, ostensibly having experienced an alarm no.2 event, have not commented.

In related news, yours truly has sent an email to Alarm One expressing chronic personal naughtiness and willingness to participate in its team-building program.

Companion post at The Dread Pundit Bluto.


[Update 09/09/06]

Having been spanked, Orlando now has been pinched.


[Update 01/17/08]

Verdict overturned on appeal.