Sarah Palin Linked to Alleged Weapons Theft

Breaking News!

(Wasilla, Alaska) Republican Gov. Sarah Palin is being named as a possible conspirator in a weapons theft case reportedly occurring several years ago. It's believed the weapons could have been used in a variety of crimes and sources say the disappearance of potentially lethal weapons has been linked directly to Republican Sarah Palin.

The missing weapons are two 29-inch baseball bats allegedly stolen by the adopted stepson of a substitute teacher of Republican Sarah Palin's daughter's math class at Wasilla High School. Evidence indicates that Sarah Palin's daughter regularly attended the math classes with the adopted stepson and Sarah Palin was involved with their classwork.

Commercial flights to Wasilla are booked and private air traffic has surged as investigators and the media race to discover Sarah Palin's full culpability in the scandal. Sources indicate that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi may call for an investigation by Congress and responsible Alaskan legislators are perusing possible censure or impeachment of Republican Sarah Palin.

Notably, these new allegations against Sarah Palin follow right on the heels of her disreputable involvement in a drunken driving case. Republican Sarah Palin's daughter's baby's father's mother's blood alcohol level while driving illegally exceeded 0.08. Legal and legislative action against Republican Sarah Palin awaits final resolution of her daughter's baby's father's mother's case.

Regarding Republican Sarah Palin's involvement in her daughter's substitute teacher's stepson's alleged theft of potentially lethal weapons, the investigation continues.