NFL Player Suspended for Whizzinator

(Eden Prairie, Minnesota) Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith has been suspended from the National Football League for the entire 2005 season for violating the league's substance abuse policy. He was discovered at the airport to be in possession of a device used to beat drug tests, "The Original Whizzinator."

The device consists of a prosthetic penis attached to an undergarment resembling a jock strap and connects to a pouch containing 'clean' urine. The Whizzinator has been on the market for several years and is popular with parolees and probationers. Also, the contention that The Whizzinator was invented by Kevin Aylward of Wizbang is false.

With regard to Onterrio Smith, it should come as no surprise that he missed four games last year because of drug infractions.